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| And So It Begins |
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This is the way we Roll
Cue the Beethoven:
Joyful Joyful
We Adore Thee
Something Something Somethiinnnnggg
College pigskin is back, and WE ARE STOKED - it's pure animal happiness, like a baby chimp that just figured out how to masturbate AND throw his feces at khaki-clad soccer moms ON THE SAME DAY! We feel about college football exactly the same way that Barney feels about beer, not in the least because of all the beer we will now be consuming while full-on ballstothewall tailgaiting our faces off.
It officially began last night. Sure #2 Ohio state beat the penis off Marshall 45-7, and #13 Miami goose egg donkey-punched Florida A&M 45-0, but that's basically saying that Usain Bolt smoked Stephen Hawking and Billy Mitchell beat you at Donkey Kong. In other words, "Who Cares?"
These were the match ups that mattered (a little): #14 USC vs. Hawaii and #15 Pittsurgh vs. Utah.
It's a universal truth in sports that the crappier the weather is, the more die hard the fan base is. Look, people in Buffalo have nothing better to do than root for the Bills. The Bills are terrible, and still, they keep asses in the seats. Chargers fans would rather play Over the Line, Dolphins fans are too busy ogling Cuban booty and Cardinals fans reserve sacred time for vigilante green card inspection. None of them live and die by their teams. By this same logic, the USC - Hawaii game was enjoyed for the most part by the people who cared the least. Sure, the Trojans pulled it out 49-36 and Matt Barkley tied a school record with 5 TD passes but both fan bases would rather go surfing. And yes, Utah upset #15 Pittsburgh, but that only proves that even Mormons are cooler than Pittsburgh.
Here's the Top 3 we do care about this weekend.
#1 Alabama vs. San Jose State 7pm EST on ESPN 3
#5 Texas vs. Rice 3:30pm EST on ESPN/ESPN 3
#6 TCU vs. #24 Oregon State 7:45 EST on ESPN/ESPN 3
We could list them all, but we're busy sculpting a big titty ice luge, so just look here.
The best things in life are only one day away. Accept our benediction and Go forth and TAILGATE! - Zevon Odelberg
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Get the latest from your teams right here...
even if you're from Cleveland.
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| 28 Red Bulls Later |
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If Lindbergh was backed by Red Bull we'd still be sailing to Europe.
Often confused with an act performed only in German home cinema, the Red Bull Flugtag is in fact a grandiose celebration of creativity, innovation and tooth-grinding, ventricle-detonating hyperactivity. The Flugtag took off in 1991 on the schnitzel-laden streets of Red Bull's native Austria. Deciding to hold fast with the trends in aviation that year (ever heard of Eastern Airlines? we didn't think so), the original manufacturer of cocaine in a can sponsored a competition that pit amateur flyers in homemade aircraft against one another with stipulations that all but guaranteed failure. Needless to say it was a real crowd pleaser.
On the verge of its third decade, the Flugtag comes swooping into Philadelphia this weekend and promises to make waves at the Camden Waterfront. Competitors will attempt to pilot their creations off of a 30 foot drop into the Delaware River, judged less on distance of flight than ridiculousness of craft. Watching some dude on 14 Red Bulls try to pilot a zamboni over the Delaware? Count us in. - Dudley Versaci
The Red Bull Flugtag takes flight at 11AM Saturday in Philadelphia. |
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